Ha, ha, Mr. Jokes.

This ill-advised article on practical joking in the workplace from today's Metro doesn't seem like a good team-building or morale-boosting idea. It seems more like Exhibit A in a future workplace harassment lawsuit. Although if I caught this smarmy ass pouring salt in my coffee, the only human resources action involved would be his taking advantage of his dental coverage after I caved in his face. I would murder this asshole.

I like a practical joke as much as anyone, but there are two things you absolutely do not do: You do not victimize me in my sleep, and you do not poison my food or drink. These are shitty moves and they are grounds for an old-school ass-whipping.

[Bonus Metro content: Check out the surprisingly subtle commentary on page 8 of today's issue. There's a little bit there about how tiny North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il wears elevator shoes. Now check out Bono's footwear in the unrelated full-body photo of the diminutive U2 frontman meeting Condoleezza Rice. In a word, "Elevation".]