More bathroom talk

Today's lesson, learned halfway through my commute home when I had to pee so bad I thought I'd burst, is on what to say to restaurateurs who get snippy when you enter their establishment, use the facilities, and then leave without ordering anything:

"I never eat at a restaurant without checking out the cleanliness of its washroom first. And judging by what I saw in there, you couldn't pay me to court death eating in this fetid hellhole."

Cue horrified looks from patrons. Exeunt.