Wednesday, January 19, 2005

"You'll fucking die!"

Picture this: I'm riding a darkened bus home tonight after work, slumped in a seat, half-asleep as usual. The MP3 player is on shuffle, and the Beach Boys' "I'm Waiting for the Day" is playing. The track comes softly to a close, and then I suddenly hear someone bellow, "You'll fucking die!"

Danger! Apparently a fight has broken out behind me, and someone's about to get a knife shoved into his guts in the latest of Toronto's sudden outbreak of stabbings. I have an instant, visceral fight-or-flight response: My eyes shoot wide open. Adrenaline floods my body. My testicles retract up into my belly.

Then I hear the would-be-murderer keep talking and realize he's coming through my headphones. It's Frank Black. The MP3 player has randomly called up that short track from the Pixies' Surfer Rosa where he shouts a violent threat and then has to spend about a minute convincing someone that he was only kidding around. False alarm.

I spend the next fifteen minutes feeling the epinephrine turn sour in my belly, feeling stupid, and thinking that if the unneeded adrenaline rush isn't the quintessential example of being all dressed up with nowhere to go, I don't know what is. Except for actually being all dressed up with nowhere to go, of course.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You will like this brilliant Pixies takeoff by evil British satirist Chris Morris, called "Motherbanger":

http://archive.wfmu.org:5555/archive/BL/BL_Chris_Morris_-_Pixies_Parody.mp3

1/20/2005 04:17:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is a long sleepy portion on Modest Mouse's album Lonesome Crowded West, which I was falling asleep to on a plane once. I'm always uneasy on planes, and I had completely forgotten that there is a sudden outburst of:

"THIS PLANE IS DEFINITELY CRASHING!"

Good lord, the adrenaline.

1/20/2005 11:48:00 AM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

Of course, that's probably exactly what they were hoping would happen if they put that on there. I bet if you ever got the chance to tell Isaac Brock that, he'd laugh his guts out (as I did).

1/20/2005 07:30:00 PM  

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