Don't drop out of typing class, kids

This has been bugging me a lot lately: I'm right-handed, yet although I basically touch-type with my left hand, I'm limited to using my index finger, my middle finger, and my thumb on my right hand.

Some kind of nerve damage? No. When I was in grade eight, my mom took advantage of an opportunity to send me over to the local high school on Saturday mornings for typing classes. Now computers have become vitally important in society. The days when male executives dictated everything to their female secretaries instead of learning to type have been left long behind, although I occasionally see (and scoff at) an older male co-worker typing by slowly hunting and pecking with one finger. So this was really foresighted of my mom, and it should have put me ahead of the curve.

But it was Saturday morning. There was no way I was going to see this class through to the end when I could have been home watching Jose Luis Rivera jobbing to Billy Jack Haynes on Superstars of Wrestling. The class had started with teaching us the use of the left hand and then progressed to the right. It went from left to right. But when we got all the way over to the middle finger of the right hand, I just held that finger up, said "Fuck off, typing," and dropped out.

I never did get around to finding out what the ring and little fingers are for, and now they're basically useless. The little one is good for giving "the shocker", but that's it.

So kids, if you're out there, take it from me: Don't drop out of typing class. And as for what "the shocker" is, go ask your parents.