Thursday, December 15, 2005

Don't drop out of typing class, kids

This has been bugging me a lot lately: I'm right-handed, yet although I basically touch-type with my left hand, I'm limited to using my index finger, my middle finger, and my thumb on my right hand.

Some kind of nerve damage? No. When I was in grade eight, my mom took advantage of an opportunity to send me over to the local high school on Saturday mornings for typing classes. Now computers have become vitally important in society. The days when male executives dictated everything to their female secretaries instead of learning to type have been left long behind, although I occasionally see (and scoff at) an older male co-worker typing by slowly hunting and pecking with one finger. So this was really foresighted of my mom, and it should have put me ahead of the curve.

But it was Saturday morning. There was no way I was going to see this class through to the end when I could have been home watching Jose Luis Rivera jobbing to Billy Jack Haynes on Superstars of Wrestling. The class had started with teaching us the use of the left hand and then progressed to the right. It went from left to right. But when we got all the way over to the middle finger of the right hand, I just held that finger up, said "Fuck off, typing," and dropped out.

I never did get around to finding out what the ring and little fingers are for, and now they're basically useless. The little one is good for giving "the shocker", but that's it.

So kids, if you're out there, take it from me: Don't drop out of typing class. And as for what "the shocker" is, go ask your parents.


Blogger Scott said...

I asked my mom and she said that "the shocker" was "two in the pink and one in the stink".

I'm still not sure I understand...

12/15/2005 08:33:00 PM  
Blogger James said...

"watching Jose Luis Rivera jobbing to Billy Jack Haynes" sounds far more erotic than it has any right to.

12/15/2005 09:00:00 PM  
Anonymous Matt said...

From now on, your name is Peter Eight-Fingers, as far as I'm concerned.


12/16/2005 01:06:00 PM  
Anonymous tom said...

Does anyone over the age of, like, 8 not know what the Shocker is anymore? I think they need to come up with some filthy new hand gesture that puts the Shocker to shame, like 'The Octopus'.

'Drinking the scotch with eight in the notch'. .. ... I'm not sure what gesture you'd have to make.

12/16/2005 02:38:00 PM  
Blogger JPW said...

Tom: Nor do I, but I'm willing to experiment!

12/16/2005 05:18:00 PM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

This comment thread got pretty gay pretty fast considering it's about a heterosexual sex act.

Carry on, boys.

12/16/2005 11:39:00 PM  

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