Richie Rich sucks
Even today, more than half a decade after I moved out, a box of all the Mad magazines I collected throughout my childhood is very likely still sitting in the basement of my last student house in Kingston. Yet, even more than that lost treasure trove, I wish I still had a Richie Rich comic that is very likely still sitting upstairs in the bathroom.
That's ridiculous, you may be saying. Richie Rich sucks. Indeed it does. As a matter of fact, while searching online, I found a very good analysis of why and how it sucks. (Something else that sucks: Family Guy. This may be my new favorite blog.) Anyway, what I was searching for was one particular comic, a one-page gag that really exemplifies what's truly appalling about Richie Rich. Since I haven't been able to find it, I present the comic's script as I remember it (and I promise a bounty to anyone who can provide me a scan of it):
PANEL 1So, yeah. The joke is that Richie Rich kicked a homeless man off his property.
[Richie is walking on his estate with his asshole cousin, Reggie Van Dough. Richie's chauffeur Bascomb is working on one of the Rich family's luxury automobiles.]
Richie: Bascomb is the greatest mechanic in the world! He can make anything run!
PANEL 2
Reggie [pointing at pile of rags]: Oh yeah?! Let's see him make that pile of rags run! Haw, haw!
PANEL 3
Richie [whispering; pointing to pile of rags]: Uh, Bascomb...
Bascomb [wiping hands on rag (not from pile); steely look of determination]: I'll take care of it, Master Rich.
PANEL 4
Bascomb [sternly; hands on hips]: Excuse me, sir, but I think it's time you moved along!
Vagrant [fleeing; very tattered and filthy]: Chee! Can't a guy find a place to sleep around here?!
Reggie [flabbergasted; sweat drops flying]: A TRAMP!!!
Richie [doubled over with merriment]: Yep! And Bascomb made him run! Ha! Ha!
4 Comments:
I always liked Bart Simpson's assessment that Casper was the ghost of Richie Rich. It brings to mind this dark, Dickensian ghost story where Richie is torn to pieces by a mob of poor people and house servants, and in order to gain entry to heaven he has to roam the earth as a ghost until someone will be his friend. But everyone's afraid of him, so he never crosses over.
That's Greek mythology, right there.
Of course, the flaw in this theory is that, as noted on the page I linked to, there were Richie Rich/Casper crossover stories. Of course, Richie always tried to convince himself it was all just a crazy dream at the end, and indeed, maybe it was just a matter of his facing his grim future, Ebenezer Scrooge-style.
I'm never able to think of Casper without a memory haunting me from high school. We regularly had soi-disant talent shows, and one time some guy busted out a freestyle rap of the Casper theme song. The only part I remember, the part that has stayed with me to this day, is 'Casper, the DOPE ghost, the DOPEST GHOST I KNOW'.
Richie Rich totally sucks.
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