Thursday, November 10, 2005

Richie Rich sucks

Even today, more than half a decade after I moved out, a box of all the Mad magazines I collected throughout my childhood is very likely still sitting in the basement of my last student house in Kingston. Yet, even more than that lost treasure trove, I wish I still had a Richie Rich comic that is very likely still sitting upstairs in the bathroom.

That's ridiculous, you may be saying. Richie Rich sucks. Indeed it does. As a matter of fact, while searching online, I found a very good analysis of why and how it sucks. (Something else that sucks: Family Guy. This may be my new favorite blog.) Anyway, what I was searching for was one particular comic, a one-page gag that really exemplifies what's truly appalling about Richie Rich. Since I haven't been able to find it, I present the comic's script as I remember it (and I promise a bounty to anyone who can provide me a scan of it):

[Richie is walking on his estate with his asshole cousin, Reggie Van Dough. Richie's chauffeur Bascomb is working on one of the Rich family's luxury automobiles.]

Richie: Bascomb is the greatest mechanic in the world! He can make anything run!


Reggie [pointing at pile of rags]: Oh yeah?! Let's see him make that pile of rags run! Haw, haw!


Richie [whispering; pointing to pile of rags]: Uh, Bascomb...

Bascomb [wiping hands on rag (not from pile); steely look of determination]: I'll take care of it, Master Rich.


Bascomb [sternly; hands on hips]: Excuse me, sir, but I think it's time you moved along!

Vagrant [fleeing; very tattered and filthy]: Chee! Can't a guy find a place to sleep around here?!

Reggie [flabbergasted; sweat drops flying]: A TRAMP!!!

Richie [doubled over with merriment]: Yep! And Bascomb made him run! Ha! Ha!

So, yeah. The joke is that Richie Rich kicked a homeless man off his property.


Blogger SamuraiFrog said...

I always liked Bart Simpson's assessment that Casper was the ghost of Richie Rich. It brings to mind this dark, Dickensian ghost story where Richie is torn to pieces by a mob of poor people and house servants, and in order to gain entry to heaven he has to roam the earth as a ghost until someone will be his friend. But everyone's afraid of him, so he never crosses over.

That's Greek mythology, right there.

11/11/2005 08:40:00 AM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

Of course, the flaw in this theory is that, as noted on the page I linked to, there were Richie Rich/Casper crossover stories. Of course, Richie always tried to convince himself it was all just a crazy dream at the end, and indeed, maybe it was just a matter of his facing his grim future, Ebenezer Scrooge-style.

11/11/2005 01:17:00 PM  
Anonymous tom said...

I'm never able to think of Casper without a memory haunting me from high school. We regularly had soi-disant talent shows, and one time some guy busted out a freestyle rap of the Casper theme song. The only part I remember, the part that has stayed with me to this day, is 'Casper, the DOPE ghost, the DOPEST GHOST I KNOW'.

Richie Rich totally sucks.

11/14/2005 09:46:00 PM  
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11/16/2005 09:03:00 AM  

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