Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Internal dialogue

While I was trolling around the archives of that old Yahoo Group looking for the story in which I was terribly violated, I ran across this post, which was made around the same time. I repost it now purely to clarify that I have indeed been a moron for a while now.

* * *

You think your brain doesn't work? Here's what happened to me today.

Feet: Okay, we're getting near the crosswalk right now. Just thought you should know we're going to make an attempt to cross the street.

Hands: Right, we're getting out the house keys right now.

Brain: What? Why?

Hands: To unlock that little button we have to push to make the walk signal flash, of course.

Brain: What the hell are you talking about? Those keys are for getting into our house! You don't have to unlock the street to cross it!

Hands: Well, don't blame us! You should have told us that!

Eyes: Cool it, you guys! There's a guy over there who saw the key thing. He's laughing at us!

Feet: We'll be there in a jiffy!

Hands: Making fists, now!

Brain: No! Use the keys to gouge out his eyes!

Eyes: That's terrible! I can't watch this!

Brain: Okay, everybody, it'll just have to be a blind rage, then.

Hands and Feet: Yay! You're the best, boss!

1 Comments:

Blogger JPW said...

Yeah, I know what *that's* all about. I still call my boss "mum" and a lot of the time I'll do these really loud farts before realising that I'm in the middle of a conversation with somebody I don't know well enough to fart in front of. When this happens I usually go "Hmmm" and continue with what I was saying. Or if they were talking, I'll fart and then nod, as though my bowels and the part of my brain responsible for interpretive reasoning were inextricably linked. But the only thing I regret is the time, only Monday it was, when I was travelling down in the lift for a smoke with a colleague who was going home early as she wasn't feeling well.

Her: "I just don't feel good. All headachey and sniffly."

Me: "YOU'VE PROBABLY GOT AVIAN INFLUENZA."

Her: *aghast*

Other people in lift: *concerned, and pressing themselves to the wall like that scene in 'Ghostbusters', where they're in the lift and concerned and press themselves to the wall*

I guess some people take things a little more seriously than others.

11/02/2005 12:37:00 AM  

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