Thursday, January 12, 2006

My doppelgängers

I may never have been a tall man, but I did have two things going for me: A 28-inch-waist and a ardently admired head of hair. (A little guy named Sotaro who sat behind me in my classical studies class in first year proclaimed himself a "big fan" of my hair.) Now that hair is much diminished and I'm increasingly described as "stocky".

Consequently, I've had a growing fear for the last few years of one day being compared to Seinfeld's George Costanza. Finally it happened. "You know you you remind me of?" my friend Krista said. "George Constanza." I made an anguished noise. "Oh, I didn't mean physically," she said. "Personality-wise." I was relieved. Then I was upset again because George Costanza actually had a pretty loathsome personality.

But at least I don't look like him. So while I've dodged that bullet, I have been compared to a few famous faces from time to time. I present to you my celebrity doppelgängers:

Image hosted by Photobucket.comI used to get compared to Bruce McCulloch of The Kids in the Hall fairly often. Fair enough. He's actually my favorite Kid, and I do grant a certain superficial resemblance. Plus, the hair was similar, and I used to dress kind of like him and even walk like him. I played this up once by going to a costume party dressed as his character Gavin.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comMy ex-girlfriend used to say I resembled adult film actor Peter North. Sadly, she only meant that I looked like him from the neck up. I mentioned this supposed facial resemblance the other day. "Who's Peter North?" my innocent co-worker Julie asked. "A really ugly porn star," she was told. I can't win.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comIn my last year of university, it occurred to me that it was my last shot at growing my hair long before entering the working world and eventually going bald, so I did. Around this time, people started saying I looked like David Spade. Needless to say, I cut my hair. Yet, I still get this comparison from time to time. When pressed, people say the similarity is in the personality. This is obviously worse than the George Costanza thing.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comOne odd evening, Jay and I found ourselves cast into the unlikely role of gigolos by two of his female co-workers whom we met in a bar and who insisted on buying us drinks and paying for us to play pool. One of them told me that I looked like Kevin Bacon, "only better looking." It should be clear to you now that she was six degrees away from sobriety. I suppose she was right about there being a resemblance around the nose, though.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comI was once told I looked like a much shorter version of Bill Nye, the Science Guy. I don't get it. However, while reading the Wikipedia entry on Bill Nye, I read that he announced his engagement on The Late Late Show last month. I, on the other hand, remain single. The logical consequence of this is that despite his handicapping himself by wearing a bowtie, Bill Nye is more attractive than I am.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comNo one has ever agreed with me on this, but I personally think that before I cut my hair, I looked just a little bit like Christopher Guest circa his run on Saturday Night Live in 1984–1985. This may, however, be just some sort of weird subconscious manifestation of my longtime desire to mate with Jamie Lee Curtis, to whom he has been married since he was on SNL. If you hear about anyone murdering him and wearing his face as a mask Hannibal Lecter-style, it's probably me.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comVia ChampagneMinimalist, I discoved a site called MyHeritage that lets you upload a picture of yourself and then searches a database to find out what celebrities you look most like. I uploaded a picture of myself taken a couple of Christmasses ago that I'd always thought was a fairly good one even though I was deliberately fattening myself up like a prize hog in order to win a body transformation contest at work when it was taken. But to my horror, MyHeritage said I looked like slovenly murdered Dutch film director Theo van Gogh.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comWanting to regain some self-esteem, I uploaded a picture of myself taken during the contest, at a point when I'd lost 41 pounds and cropped my hair to an eighth of an inch and theoretically looked the best I've ever looked in my life. Not so, said MyHeritage. I looked like Billy Corgan, it said. Despite all my rage, I still look like a guy with a head so egg-shaped that his grey matter is yellow.

You can see now, perhaps, why I have not allowed any pictures of me to be posted on the web.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I laughed pretty hard at the Theo Van Gogh and David Spade Comparisons because they are so ridiculous.

Sometimes I see someone dancing with their pelvis out and shuffling their hands and I'm reminded of you...don't worry, it's endearing.

I've always thought that TSN's James Duffy (I think that's his name) looks like you too.

Check out the girl on the left.


1/12/2006 03:01:00 PM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

I see what you're getting at with that link, but as I've mentioned,I think two of your doppelgängers are Rafael Nadal and Sabina Black. Both may upset you, but for different reasons. There was another more complimentary one, but I forget what it is right now.

1/12/2006 04:21:00 PM  
Anonymous Janet said...


You look like a combo of all of those people, except for the Science Guy and Theo Van Gogh. But you forgot to mention that you also look like Satan with the two crowns and all and the double-headed-you-know-what.

1/12/2006 04:49:00 PM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

Now I remember the other Marlene comparison I was thinking of, and it's much better: the young Liz Taylor.

As for Janet, I believe it was supposed to be Catherine Zeta-Jones or some such rubbish.

1/12/2006 04:59:00 PM  
Blogger Chance said...

Bill Nye is not more attractive than you, he's on TV more than you.

We little guys have to stick together.

1/12/2006 05:11:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I appreciate the young Liz Taylor comparison more than the porn star and the hairy tennis player. Vivien Leigh is the other old actress I've heard I resemble. I think I look like me the most.

1/12/2006 11:56:00 PM  
Blogger Dickolas Wang said...

I've been told I resemble a Japanese lesbian.

1/13/2006 12:52:00 AM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

Marlene: I just looked at a picture of young Vivien Leigh, and damned if you don't look like her. Damn, girl! You pretty!

1/13/2006 01:26:00 AM  
Anonymous Ken said...

I got a young Robert De Niro. I can't argue with that (even if I don't see it.)

1/13/2006 03:00:00 AM  
Blogger TinaPoPo said...

I don't know who you look like, but I really enjoyed this post.

1/13/2006 01:38:00 PM  
Anonymous Riley said...

I can only remember seeing one picture of you before (on Jay's forum), and from what I recall of it, you looked just liked the posted picture of Peter North, but balding.

1/13/2006 04:41:00 PM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

Not balding, man. Bald. Balding is a fate. Bald is a choice.

1/13/2006 05:07:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I got Penelope Cruz and ... Pol Pot.


- Gloria

1/13/2006 06:10:00 PM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

Wow, Gloria. On the one hand, you're hot. On the other hand, you're one of the 20th century's greatest monsters.

Addressing other people in turn:

I've seen pictures of Ken. I wouldn't have said De Niro so much as a Shmoo from Li'l Abner. I mean that in a good way.

There's nothing wrong with Japanese lesbians. I've seen whole websites devoted to them. There's money in your look, Dickolas.

Tinapopo, I've seen, because she puts pictures on her blog, and appears to have nothing to be ashamed about.

1/14/2006 12:25:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My god, you and Kevin Bacon look nothing alike but comparing you one feature at a time it's actually uncanny. When I met you (first year post-grad) you were very Spade. Then for a while you were more Pete than that other Pete. Now you're like a full-sized Vern Troyer.

1/14/2006 08:16:00 PM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

I just remembered that Anthony Michael Hall was also supposed to be on this list.

2/08/2006 12:23:00 AM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

Oh, and NHL goaltender Robert Esche. I may have to do a followup post with the ones I've forgotten. Or edit this one. Or both.

2/28/2006 12:55:00 PM  

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