Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Let's make our own eggcorns

The next time you want to discuss something frankly, instead of saying "Let's lay all our cards on the table," try saying "Let's lay all our cocks on the table."

If anyone is perplexed by this, look slightly irritated at the interruption and say, "Dude, it's just an expression."Then try to steer the conversation back to the point at hand. If pressed, roll your eyes and insist that people have always said this and construct a folk etymology that explains that lining up against a table and laying your penes on it for comparison is an obvious metaphor for a frank discussion.


Anonymous Nick Iannitti said...


One is at one's most open when one's member is lain on a round-table in a spirit of candor.

It actually comes from middle aged origins, when merchants at produce fairs, in order to show pride in their goods in the eyes of other traders, would literally lay their poultry on the table in a show of confidence of the quality of their cocks.

The expression's folk roots were perverted with time, like all things, from R&B, to the Jacko.

2/15/2006 10:49:00 AM  
Anonymous Jheurf said...

"Laying your cock on the table" is actually an expression me and my buddies use all the time. When a conversation gets to a point where we start comparing stories, arguing over who's is better/worse, we mime whipping it out and unfurling it on the table.

BTW, penis with a typo looks a lot like pennes, with a pasta.

2/15/2006 01:26:00 PM  
Anonymous tom said...

Actually Jheurf, 'penes' is the plural of penis. It's an honest mistake, penes are like penne in many ways.

2/15/2006 02:17:00 PM  
Blogger jenovus said...

Normally, I'd be right there with you, proudly displaying my wang. Unfortunately, I despise eggcorns and feel pity for those who utter them. And yes, I know that "eggcorn" is an eggcorn. What can I say, I have some self-esteem issues.

2/15/2006 02:21:00 PM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

That's no typo. Penes is the plural of penis. Where's Cameron Barr when I need him?

Speaking of whipping your cock out, file this under the list of things you can't get away with in a normal office: Last week, we shipped an ad with a blatant typo. While it was partly my fault, I was blustering to my boss about how I wouldn't be accepting any blame. "Bottom line," I said, If they say anything, I'm just gonna unzip my pa—"

At just that moment, one of the managers walked in with a demure young woman in tow. "Pardon me, Peter," she said. "I'd like you to meet the new designer, Jennifer."

2/15/2006 02:24:00 PM  
Blogger Chance said...

You mad, demented fool!

I'm actually going to try this one.

2/15/2006 06:42:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't say I could ever say this, lacking the organ necessary to declare it. I have once though yelled 'oh Fuck, THERE'S COCK IN MY GLASS'. Meaning to say cork of course, but that's what alcohol and freudian slips will do for you.

2/15/2006 10:02:00 PM  
Blogger Scott said...

How is shipping an ad with a blatant typo partly your fault? Isn't catching that kind of stuff the entire point of your job?

2/15/2006 10:39:00 PM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

I was way too rushed to be able to do my job properly, which was the fault of someone else. Someone else who also overlooked the typo, I might add, and who had done an incredibly shoddy job that I almost managed to completely fix in the little time allowed to me.

2/16/2006 01:55:00 AM  

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