Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Peter Lynn: World's worst party conversationalist

Speaking of kids and badly misconstruing the nature of their existence and parentage, this was me at a party the other night. I surely won't be invited back.

Some guy [to a girl I had been talking to]: [mumble, mumble, something] your daughter.

Me: Oh, you have a daughter?

Girl: I had one when I was 14. She was adopted.

Me [somehow not understanding]: You adopted a baby when you were 14? How is that possible?

Girl [looking slightly upset]: Someone else is raising my baby now.

Me: So they let you adopt her and then just took her away again? That seems really cruel.

Girl: I really don't think they would give a 14-year-old a baby.

Me: Well, don't get me wrong, but if they're just going to take her away again, maybe they shou—oh. Oh. Oh, God. I see. Oh, I'm really sorry.

Girl: It's okay.

Update: I managed to get the other foot in my mouth today. More in the comments thread.


Anonymous Riley said...

Yeah, I figured it out at the same time you did. In fact, I'm a bit slower than you since I started over halfway through for clarity's sake and was still stymied till the very end.

2/20/2006 11:42:00 PM  
Anonymous Kendal said...

I have a question: Have you managed yet to get your out foot from where it was lodged in your trachea?

2/20/2006 11:51:00 PM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

I was coincidentally explaining to someone at work earlier that day that I put my foot in my mouth so often because the saliva keeps my shoe leather supple. Of course, working with bodybuilders as I do, I then had to define the word "supple".

2/20/2006 11:55:00 PM  
Anonymous Kendal said...

Poor you. See, as a secretary, all I have to do is mentally scream at the inappropriate apostrophes in peoples' letters.

And I just re-read my previous comment and realised that I really shouldn't be on the internet before my morning muffin. Me needs sugar to work brains.

2/21/2006 03:56:00 AM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

Our jobs are not so different, are they?

2/21/2006 10:36:00 AM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

I just managed to put my foot in my mouth even worse. I was mentioning to a friend at work that I've been making cyberfaces for the players in NHL 06 who only have generic ones. Some of them look pretty good, I said, but I have to redo the one for Johnny Pohl, because he looks like a burn victim.

What I didn't know then was that she had three cousins die in a house fire last weekend.

2/21/2006 03:04:00 PM  
Anonymous Kendal said...

I'm pretty sure the main two differences between our jobs are that you're more responsible if something goes awry and I get paid noticibly less.

Now, see, that's not really that bad a comment. It would have been worse if the co-worker had been caught in the fire, or if her cousins had survived with horrific injuries.

2/22/2006 12:45:00 AM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

You'd be surprised how little a copy editor can get paid.

She actually didn't get that upset with me because I hadn't known. She just explained what had happened so that I didn't repeat my faux pas and cause her to start bawling.

2/22/2006 12:54:00 AM  
Anonymous Kendal said...

From what I can gather from my years of reading this blog, I have a feeling it's going to happen again anyway.

2/22/2006 11:58:00 PM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

God, has it really been years?

2/23/2006 12:30:00 AM  
Anonymous Kendal said...

Yup, but I waited until I was old and bitter enough to actually comment.

2/23/2006 06:44:00 AM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

Poor girl. I'm sorry life has led you to this point.

2/23/2006 09:53:00 AM  
Anonymous Kendal said...

It's been a hard life, but this is what comes from a boyfriend showing me goatse at 15.

2/23/2006 09:18:00 PM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

I would criticize him for exposing such a delicate young flower of womanhood to such a ghastly thing, but the fact is that I'm no better. Just a couple of weeks ago, I was excitedly telling my ex (who in fact listened with interest) the hot new idea I had that would revolutionize the porn industry. I dare say it's going to be the new A2M. I'll spare you the details, but it's called Speculum Creampie Swapping.

2/23/2006 11:30:00 PM  
Anonymous Kendal said...

What is it with you males! It's not like women don't think of stuff like this, but we have the decency to keep it a thought, or publish it in a trashy womens magazine!

2/24/2006 12:26:00 AM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

You haven't met this ex. She doesn't keep it to herself at all. Literally every dinner party with her devolves very quickly into an avid discussion of her favorite topic, anal intercourse.

2/24/2006 12:39:00 AM  

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