Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Bugged by a rug

I saw a toupee today that was so obvious I felt personally insulted. Did he really think I was so stupid I would believe it? If it had been any less subtle, it could have been reclassified as a hat. I should have confronted that guy.


Blogger Steve Ely said...

Is it someone you're likely to see again? I look forward to hearing how it goes when you finally live up to your ideals and do confront him.

3/15/2006 08:54:00 PM  
Blogger CJS said...

I don't know if it would do any good. I have been a firm believer that socks should never be worn with sandals, I have preached it, but it falls upon deaf ears. I've also tried to tell the guys I work with not to wear tapered legged jeans, and yet they still do. I tried to explain how wearing white atheltic socks with dress shoes is a faux pas, and yet they still mock me. Maybe I should get out of IT world.

3/15/2006 09:06:00 PM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

It was just some guy sitting beside me in the subway. I actually feel bad because I was looking at his hair when we were both getting off at the same station and then I realized that he might have been able to see the reflection of me doing so in the glass in front of us. He had a downcast look on his face, and I can't decide whether he was specifically sad because I was looking at his toupee or just generally sad because he has a toupee.

There's actually a guy on my bus who often wears white socks with dress shoes, which upsets me, particularly because he crosses his legs in an effeminate way that I don't like in general but like even less in this instance because it exposes more sock to view. His hair is also noticably thinning at the crown.

I myself have worn socks with sandals in the past, but it was the work sock/Birkenstock-type sandal combination, and it was the '90s. I think that's defensible. A couple of Fridays ago, two of the girls at work were discussing the comeback of tapered jeans in horrified tones, and I rolled my jeans into a taper as a joke. I could bear it for no longer than 10 seconds.

3/15/2006 09:18:00 PM  
Blogger The Fed Ex of Funk said...

Sans Trump, I saw the nastiest combover on this dude the other day. It's like he grew two snakes of side hair and slid them over the top. He still looked bald. There's just no good way to lose hair with dignity. It makes me wonder why more guys don't just shave their heads. When I see a bad combover or toupee, the only explanation is that they're trying to look respectable from afar at the expense of up close.

3/15/2006 11:23:00 PM  
Blogger Steve Ely said...

Peter, have you seen the ad for Snickers in which the guy's wearing a bunch of Snickers bars on his head like a toupee and some people in his office are gathered around, one of whom says to him sympathetically, "You're not fooling anybody"? Then the announcer says, "It's only satisfying if you eat it."

Maybe the next time you see a guy with an outrageously bad toupee you should sidle up, give him a sad, sympathetic smile and say, "Snickers are only satisfying if you eat them."

3/15/2006 11:50:00 PM  
Blogger Dickolas Wang said...

But then the guy in the commercial cries. Do you really want to be responsible for making a grown man cry? Give him a damn break, man, he's already balding.

3/16/2006 02:58:00 AM  
Anonymous thinningly handsome said...

As a member of the thinning and receding hair club, in my healthy mid-twenties, I can say that my diminishing hair has never once proven to be a factor in the quality of my life. I recently "came out of the closet" about it, by which I mean feeling confortable to make jokes about it with both close friends and new acquaintances.

What's the point here? I'm a handsome man, that's the point. But I wouldn't be if I tried growing and styling my hair in different ways. No matter what fears you have about baldness showing, it's always better to have a nice close clean cut and have it show proudly (à la Jason Statham) than to try and hide it and look unkempt and disheveled and pathetic (and still have everybody know).

I call out to all of you with hair upon your pillow! Either wait for a cure for baldness or else let the flag fly proudly! And for god sakes--never wear sweat pants!

3/16/2006 08:49:00 AM  
Blogger Chance said...

Shuddup, Baldy.

3/16/2006 09:47:00 AM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

I'm with thinningly handsome. To quote (or possibly misquote) Mystery in The Game, balding is a fate, but bald is a choice. There are plenty of bald sex symbols. Look at Mark Messier: Not only bald but kind of ugly too, yet he scored more off the ice than on.

However, wearing sweatpants is okay while you're doing the laundry. It's probably not okay to wear sweatpants with a worn-out waistband that fall down and bare your buttocks in the middle of the street as you carry your basket back from the laundromat, though, but that hasn't stopped me.

3/16/2006 10:00:00 AM  
Anonymous thinningly handsome said...

I'm not going to go as far as to say that bald men are sexier than fully haired ones. I mean, come on.

What I will say is that there are a lot of losers with hair out there, fat, brutal, socially awkward and the same goes for baldoids.

The challenge for a man with meager hair is to not be a loser simply because of that one fact. Having a secret or hiding it is one step closer to being a loser. If you were comfortable around people or 'got laid' a lot before you lost your hair, then there's no reason you can't keep on doing so.

Anyway, on to the next topic.

3/16/2006 02:04:00 PM  
Anonymous Matt said...

Now, when you say that Messier scored more off the ice than on, are you talking specifically about that time in the locker room with Gary Coleman?

3/16/2006 03:09:00 PM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Matty?!

I think what thinningly handsome is saying, and I agree, is that self-confidence is The Sexiest Thing. You know why I'm sexy while I'm shuffling down the street holding a laundry basket with an old pair of stained sweatpants around my ankles? Rock-solid buttocks and an equally rock-solid conviction that the world is lucky to see them. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to give my office window a pressed ham.

P.S. I have a long coat.

3/16/2006 05:10:00 PM  

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