I don't owe you dick from smack
I lent Jamie Baker three dollars, and he still hasn't paid it back. That was more than fifteen years ago.
We were on some class trip, and he borrowed the money to buy an ice cream cone. I don't know if he forgot about it or was simply a cheapskate, but later on I reminded him of the debt, and he denied it. "I don't owe you dick from smack!" he shouted.
I don't owe you dick from smack.
I was pretty mad about about Jamie welshing on his debt, and I vowed I wouldn't forget it. Sure enough, I haven't. Yet, it's become a surprisingly fond memory with time. Let's face it: It was a pretty funny thing to say. Scott, who was there at the time, has had a few opportunities over the years to fire off the unexpected funny reference by pulling that line out of mothballs. Figuring it would be up his alley, I recently mentioned it to my buddy Chris, from whom I took the phrase "What in the hell in the world?", and he was blown away by its awesomeness. In the last decade and a half, it's safe to say that I've gotten way more than three dollars' worth of entertainment value out of Jamie's phrase.
So let's say it for the record: Jamie, you don't owe me dick from smack. In fact, I might even owe you some change.
8 Comments:
Maybe he meant to pay you back "...IN FIFTEEN OR TWENTY MINUTES!"
I wish I could make the letters progressively bigger.
Marlene
God, I only half-remember what that one was about. Something we saw on TV, anyway. Can you refresh my memory?
The only thing I remember is that it was on a some sort of court TV show and that it sure did make the guy who said it look pretty unreasonable and unstable. Maybe Marlene remembers more but she's about 8 feet away from me and I'm too lazy to ask.
I don't remember the Jamie incident, btw.
I, unfortunately, remember about the same as Scott on that one. I think it may have been Judge Judy. The man was getting increasingly angry about the issue at hand and this was his response to the question presented to him. Perhaps it had been asked a few times already. It was great how he got more angry as he said the words. It was such a good line that they used it in the promo saying what was coming up after the commercial. "Coming up after the break, the defendant gets really angry."
Marlene
All right, I do remember this. I just wish I remember what exactly he was talking about.
Don't worry, Scott. You may forget the Jamie thing now, but you kept alive the memory when I myself forgot. And so, my friend, you will see that you have served your purpose. [PETER screws a silencer onto a pistol. Two muffled gunshots chirp sharply.]
Two gunshots? Is Scott's skull so thick that two bullets are needed to get through?
Or did you feel the need to off Marlene too?
At least he didn't owe you smack from dick. Messy... and gross... I'm going to go wash my mouth out for even typing that...
I'll overlook that last one.
I think two gunshots per victim is about right for an execution-style killing. But now that you mention Marlene ... well, actually, I'll take pity on her considering that the Oilers just traded her beloved Marty Reasoner.
By the way, I got surprisingly good milage out of the "fifteen or twenty minutes!" bit at work today. You can work it in anywhere. I was able to get the line off every "fifteen or twenty minutes!
Like that.
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