Election fever

If you're Canadian and eligible to vote, make sure you get out to the polls today and vote. If not out of any sort of civic duty, then do so simply because it purchases you the right to bitch about the results. I say this as an NDP voter, of course. No matter what happens, I'll be saying, "Don't blame me! I voted for Layton."

As I've said before, I'm voting for Layton because he has the best mustache. It's very sharp. My mom, on the other hand, was surprisingly taken with Bloc Québécois leader Gilles Duceppe, who she says came off best in the debates, and although there's no way either of us would actually vote for him if we even could, he does exude a certain Gallic cool. But either one is much more dashing than the grimacing rictus of the perpetually uncomfortable-looking current Prime Minister, the right hemmorrhoidal Paul Martin.

As for Stephen Harper? He's creepy. He's plastic-looking, and, as my old pal Justin says, he's got rape-eyes. He looks like an android built for the sole purpose of relentlessly raping anything in its path. But as he seems poised to lead his party to victory, let me be the first to say this: All hail Prime Minister Rape-Bot.