Monday, January 23, 2006

Election fever

If you're Canadian and eligible to vote, make sure you get out to the polls today and vote. If not out of any sort of civic duty, then do so simply because it purchases you the right to bitch about the results. I say this as an NDP voter, of course. No matter what happens, I'll be saying, "Don't blame me! I voted for Layton."

As I've said before, I'm voting for Layton because he has the best mustache. It's very sharp. My mom, on the other hand, was surprisingly taken with Bloc Québécois leader Gilles Duceppe, who she says came off best in the debates, and although there's no way either of us would actually vote for him if we even could, he does exude a certain Gallic cool. But either one is much more dashing than the grimacing rictus of the perpetually uncomfortable-looking current Prime Minister, the right hemmorrhoidal Paul Martin.

As for Stephen Harper? He's creepy. He's plastic-looking, and, as my old pal Justin says, he's got rape-eyes. He looks like an android built for the sole purpose of relentlessly raping anything in its path. But as he seems poised to lead his party to victory, let me be the first to say this: All hail Prime Minister Rape-Bot.

9 Comments:

Blogger Heather said...

Stephen Harper is what my old university girlfriends and I would call a "willy man", in that he gives me the willies. Those demonic, satanic eyes! Ack!

Taking away my right to choose aside, along with countless other backward decisions, I just don't want to look at him on the news all the time.

Should be a white knuckled night in front of the TV.

1/23/2006 03:27:00 PM  
Anonymous Matt said...

Well, I'm glad you're now telling people that you're voting for Layton because of his mustache, as opposed to telling people that you're voting for him in spite of how much you love hassling me and calling me a hippie.

1/23/2006 04:03:00 PM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

Hey! Hey! Get a job, hippie!

1/23/2006 05:13:00 PM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

I should add that the other reason I'm voting for Layton is that I'll be able to say "I voted for Layton" and then people might get all condescending and explain the parliamentary system to me, about how I vote for my local MP and not the national leader, and then I can say, "Layton is my MP, you ass. I live in Toronto-Danforth."

Also, if I have to work overtime tonight, I'm gonna be pissed. I'll say, "Do not ask me to choose between my job and my country!" and walk out. Not because I'm that patriotic, of course. I just don't want to stay.

1/23/2006 05:19:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There's something about Harper that reminds me of Prince Tuesday from Mr. Roger's neighborhood. I think it's his nose. To be totally honest though, Prince Tuesday's voice always made me slightly uncomfortable as a kid.

Marlene

1/24/2006 12:41:00 AM  
Anonymous Eric said...

Stephen Harper looks like one of those man-child murderers you see in movies like Sling Blade.

http://www.billcasselman.com/harper_cowboy_campaign_poster_medium.jpg
I like them French fried potaters.

And you just know he was that guy in high school - the little weasley one who sucked up to the teachers and ran the glee club.

The real question though is, why all the lipstick? For a 'conservative' he sure wears alot.

All the idiots that voted for Harper just handed their country to George Bush. Thanks guys!

1/24/2006 10:05:00 AM  
Anonymous Janet said...

Peter,

Your ex-girlfriend (Michelle) thinks Harper is hot. She loves his cold creepy eyes and thinks he would be a filthy pig in the bedroom. She grunted and groaned all last night while watching the election coverage. That girl has some strange taste in men.
No offense.

1/24/2006 10:26:00 AM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

Marlene: You're right, now that I think of it. Prince Tuesday was a creep. King Friday, though? Nice mustache, just like Layton.

Eric: Men wearing lipstick doesn't faze me anymore, now that I've seen all those pictures of the transformation athlete at work who lost about 30 pounds of fat and gained 30 pounds of gay. They really made up that guy in his "after" photos. If he were wearing any more pancake, he'd have blueberries and syrup on him.

Janet: I know. Who do you think she was on the phone with while watching said election coverage? I heard every unsavory grunt and groan as she admired Prime Minister Rape-Bot. But he's a step up from her usual taste in men; I'm assuming that to have gotten so far in politics, he must at least have elementary control of his bowels.

1/24/2006 12:09:00 PM  
Blogger Dickolas Wang said...

You have vocalized the best perk of being a federal NDP voter, and for that I thank you. If only I could pull off the "I voted for Layton" thing; instead, I would have to suffix it with "I know, I know, I voted for the candidate that looks like a man."

(She's not.)

1/24/2006 07:45:00 PM  

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