Wednesday, January 25, 2006

The foolishness of Wicked Wisdom

If any actual wisdom can be gleaned from Jada Pinkett Smith's new heavy metal band, Wicked Wisdom, it's this: Never let a girl name your heavy metal band, and particularly not one who's already a celebrity and kind of self-important. You'll end up saddled with a painfully sincere, meaningful-sounding expression of positivity like "Wicked Wisdom". There's an embarrassing lack of irony in the name "Wicked Wisdom".

Heavy metal should not be wise. Heavy metal should be dumb. Heavy metal musicians should be either total morons or smart guys winking and pretending to be morons. Mötley Crüe is the perfect heavy metal name. It's a name that says, "We like to party, and we have no idea how to spell or use umlauts."

6 Comments:

Anonymous Matt said...

I like my heavy metal just like Megadeth: Hard driving, intelligent and somewhat socially relevant, but still kind of dumb at the end of the day.

1/25/2006 12:32:00 PM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

Dave Mustaine is gloriously dumb. I cite once again his explanation of "Megadeth": "The band's name means the act of dying, but, like, really mega!"

And I still fondly recall Jon Krashinsky and I attempting to top the insight in the lyric "In every life, there's 'lie'" with endless similarly inane lines. (That reminds me: I delighted a co-worker yesterday by telling her her figure "put the 'ass' in 'hourglass'." You can't get away with this in most workplaces.)

1/25/2006 02:21:00 PM  
Anonymous Matt said...

Hey, give Dave a break. He was probably drunk.

1/25/2006 02:44:00 PM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

I was checking out his page at Wikiquote, and Mustaine has actually had some pretty good things to say now and then. Some favorites:

"Clinton said back in college he smoked weed but didn't inhale. That's like saying... okay... you put a dick in your mouth, but you don't suck."

"No matter how beautiful a girl is, she still shits."

"If you've never had [kidney stones], it feels like getting a porcupine pulled backwards through your dick."

"I'm over it now, and I can see how hard [Kirk Hammett] tries to do what he does. I mean I think he makes good use of what talent he has."

I love the subtle bitchiness in that last one.

1/25/2006 03:20:00 PM  
Anonymous Matt said...

I get the impression that Dave Mustaine and Sat would get along just fine.

It was apparently Sat, after all, that coined the expression "Can't fuck a robot".

1/26/2006 02:56:00 AM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

I'll assume that has something to do with AI. the last film of Stanley "Guy! It's genius! It's" Kubrick.

1/26/2006 07:59:00 AM  

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