A dead cat in a bag

It's hard to flirt effectively while holding a dead cat in a bag. I've tried.

I was in my second year at Queen's University that fall, living in a house that was just a block off campus. As all but the very most attractive of us all do at some point or another, I found myself waiting by the phone one night for a offhandedly promised call that wasn't going to come. Eventually midnight rolled around and I gave up and got out of the house for a walk because I was pissed off, a little with the girl, but mostly with myself. I wandered around campus for a while, down by the lake, and eventually back to my house.

Right in front of my house, I saw a cab stopped in the street and two girls blubbering hysterically over a kitten that it had hit and killed. I was the perfect guy to step up in this kind of situation: I was already in such a foul mood that it couldn't get any worse. I looked at the kitten, muttered that I'd get a bag, and went inside. I came out with a green garbage bag and picked up the kitten. Its bowels released and emptied themselves in a stream onto the asphalt. I put it in the bag, tied the handles off, and tried to figure out what the hell you do with a dead cat in a bag.

I didn't want to throw it in our kitchen garbage can, obviously, so I headed back to campus, figuring I could toss it in the dumpster I remembered being beside Victoria Hall, my old student residence. When I got to Vic Hall, there was a police cruiser parked outside for some reason. I wondered if there was anything illegal about throwing a dead cat in a dumpster. Dumping a body seems like shady business in general. So I headed in to ask the police officer in the lobby.

It's apparently perfectly legal to throw a dead cat in a dumpster, although I hope this won't prove useful information to you. The cop was naturally curious to know why I had one, though. And so, for that matter, was the cute girl behind the counter at reception. So that's how I found myself in the lobby of my former university residence making small talk with a cute girl while holding a dead cat in a bag and having a sudden odd realization that this was one of life's strange little moments. As I said, it's just not a good flirting situation, so I just headed back outside, tossed the kitten in the dumpster, and went home, trying not to look at the spot on the road where it had been hit as I went inside.