Monday, August 23, 2004

The Ultimate eBay auction

I've long been a fan of the Ultimate Warrior. Not for his wrestling -- God, no! It's wretched! -- but for his baffling, sesquipedalian prose style. Peruse his lunatic ramblings on his website. Study up on his philosophy of "destrucity". Note how he uses the nonword "foke" instead of "focus", because when you focus, you should concentrate on yourself, not "us". Let it dawn on you that he actually regards himself not just as a conservative commentator (read his screed about Michael Moore, in which he says, cuttingly, "he’s a liar and his films are just big lies"; refers, oddly, to "his magnet-infested [sic] deviant mind"; and refuses to "put pelf in Moore's pocket" -- because why say "money" when you can use an obscure word for obscurity's sake?), but as some sort of messianic figure.

And now you can have a piece (perhaps "relic" is the word) of this Christ of sports entertainment: He's selling a WWF Heavyweight Championship belt on eBay. (His eBay name is "conservativemind", which seems to be only about half-right.) the write-up for the item is quintessential Warrior. He rambles, he glorifies himself, and he calls out anyone who doesn't bid as "phonies and bluffs." Truly insane.

Always believe.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I saw The Warrior drop Hulkamania at Wrestlemania VI at the SkyDome. If it's that same belt he captured from the Hulkster I'd say that's gotta be worth something. Of course, I'd personally prefer the much better decorated Million Dollar Belt, created and fashioned by The Million Dollar Man himself when he couldn't win the heavyweight championship. I'm assuming of course that Virgil hasn't since cracked off all the zirconium with a screwdriver and pawned them off to make up for hitting hard times. I do bet he wished he saved a few of those $100 bills Ted Dibiase so foolishly stuffed into the mouths of his victims oh so many years ago. At least then he could have afforded sleeves for his flashy silver vest.

And what of Elizabeth? My, was she lovely.


8/26/2004 05:31:00 PM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

Poor Miss Elizabeth is dead, God rest her soul.

As for the belt, it's one of those ones that Warrior used to wear that had the coloured strap, a fact of which he seems inordinately proud. Nobody had coloured WWF Heavyweight Championship belts. Only Warrior!

8/26/2004 08:15:00 PM  

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