This is the sort of thing fast-food restaurants get hit with ridiculous million-dollar lawsuits for

It's becoming firmly established that my local KFC is some sort of halfway house for the severely retarded. You may recall my recent complaints about it and wonder why I keep frequenting it. Well, first, it's fast becoming a treasure trove of material for anecdotes. And second, it's New Year's Eve, I just got off a train and back to a kitchen full of empty cupboards, and I didn't feel like grocery shopping.

So I popped over for a Big Crunch and "clubbed" it, which is to say that I had them add cheese, lettuce, and tomato. I endured an interminable wait while the four idiots in the back created a great sound and fury that turned out to signify nothing, and finally the counter girl abandoned her rapidly growing lineup to slap together my sandwich. When I got it home, I took a couple of bites then had to take a break to fix it, as it was so hastily and sloppily put together that it was falling apart. Good thing, too -- when I was doing this, I noticed that half of the plastic wrap was still stuck to the cheese.

I called to complain, and the guy on the other end promised to give me "something free" next time I'm in if I remind them that I'm the guy with the plastic on his cheese. I'll probably be back (against all better judgment, as they're bound to eventually give me food poisoning), but they're obviously not long on remembering things, so I doubt I'll bring this up. As for you, if you know what's good for you, you'll stay out of this particular KFC (but as I've said, if you know what's good for you, you'll stay out of KFC in general). But if you're taking some kind of assertiveness training and have an assignment where you have to complain about bad service, this is the restaurant for you.