Monday, March 27, 2006

Note to potential suicide bombers

At first, becoming a martyr for Islam and being rewarded with 72 virgins when you go to Paradise seems like a pretty good deal. But if you're there for eternity, you're simply going to burn through all those virgins way too quickly, and then what are you going to do?

True, the 72-virgin thing is probably just a guarantee rather than a hard cap. After that, you're probably free to score any leftover virgins that happen to be in Paradise. But it seems like those would be long since deflowered by all the guys who were already in Paradise before you even got there. So instead, you're all just sitting around, waiting for new blood, and any virgin headed to Paradise can look forward to having 1500 years' worth of Muslim men ready to pounce on her the second she gets there. It's like a bad singles bar, except with harp music instead of techno.

Long story short, it's probably better to stay on Earth, where you can have as many virgins as you want, so long as you really apply yourself.

6 Comments:

Anonymous Riley said...

Just out of curiosity, is this PSA anything other than self-serving?

3/27/2006 06:43:00 PM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

How does more competition for scarce virgins here on Earth help me? Or are you suggesting this is part of a scheme to get a Muslim man to deflower me?

3/27/2006 07:01:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I take it you're not concerned about fatwas. Hey, why not just post some offensive cartoons....

3/28/2006 12:25:00 AM  
Blogger CJS said...

virgins are overrated

3/28/2006 12:10:00 PM  
Blogger Peter Lynn said...

I AM NOT!

3/28/2006 01:55:00 PM  
Anonymous Riley said...

With indignation like that, you don't need any schemes to get a Muslim man to deflower you.

3/28/2006 07:04:00 PM  

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